#36 Cyprus...3rd time lucky?!

Whilst packing my suitcase, I was desperately trying to get rid of the lump in my throat. A small suitcase, just for me. A return ticket and hotel booked for one. My husband's work was not falling into place with my next fertility chapter of my journey. After discovering the Natural Killer Cells, I had been in contact with my fertility clinic. Finding somewhere that would administer the intralipids infusion was easier said than done. But, a plan was put into place. A plan that my husband was not going to be a part of this time, afterall, like he has kept saying “his work here is done” anyway. Our frozen embryos from our egg donor are waiting for me! IVF GOT THIS!!

On the 5th September I started my medication. Prostap. My hubby did his normal unhelpful thing of making a fuss about the size of the needle, just as I was preparing myself. A new medication to me, a new version of medication to administer. Like Buserilin/Suprecur you have to combine the powder and liquid solutions, but the Prostap comes in one vial included with the needle that you have to extremely slowly combine up to the needle's tip. Yep, the needle wasn't the smallest, but it also wasn't horrendous. I knew that it was working within the next day or so, I ached like mad, had headaches from hell, my mood took a nosedive, hot sweats were constant and hormonal acne took over my face. I also put on weight, even more so than with previous IVF rounds of medications. Norethisterone did its job as in previous rounds of shredding my womb. My planned period arrived and I was given the go ahead at my scan to continue with the rest of the medication. Progynova as before, was introduced to thicken up my lining again, and a small dose of aspirin daily. 

Being from Cheshire, you would have thought there would have been a clinic to administer the Intralipid infusion, to fight my Natural Killer Cells. Especially considering cities like Manchester and Liverpool are also nearby. Warrington has a clinic, however they do not administer the first diluted infusion. With a lot of research, I found Cherish in Sutton Coldfield. It is within a few minutes walk from the train station and there is also a little boutique hotel just a short walk from it too. Perfect. That was the beginning of my solo fertility journey as my husband was also unavailable to join me, due to work commitments. I had to have the intralipids 10 days before my embryo transfer. At 9am on the 7th October, I bravely walked into the small clinic near Birmingham and had no idea what to expect. A lovely nurse asked me to take a seat, as I sat, the chair’s leather cushion must have been filled with air…(fart noise), I laughed instantly and the nurse from the next room also laughed as she shouted “that must be the whoopee cushion chair” as if she says it regularly, getting my room and IV drip ready. The laughter at the fart noise was just what I needed! Once I signed the paperwork, the nurse got me all ready and before I knew it, we had started. It wasn’t too bad. Being a blood donor, I have been used to sitting with a large needle in my arm. This was considerably a longer time though. It felt so cold. I mean my arm felt frozen, which then sent me a little chilly. But that was as bad as it got. I was fine. Just a slight headache, but i don't know whether it was the intralipids or tiredness catching up on me. I headed home on the train straight after.

10th October my scan showed that my womb was ready. 8mm thick, but my doctor still wanted it thicker, so my Progynova was upped to 4 tablets from 3. Then 12th October brought along the beginning of my Cyclogest pessaries. I created alarms on my phone to remind me of the scheduled times. If anyone ever saw my phone, they would think i’m mad, as i've labelled the alarm ‘time for up the bum’. (It’s the little things that keep me smiling and amused! I’m sure you’re all thinking “TMI Zoe”, but you know me, I do like to share!)

14th October - Time to fly. As my husband got my suitcase out of the car at the airport, I would have given anything to be able to pack that hug he gave me too!! As I looked back entering the terminal, I could see him driving off, frantically waving at me looking every bit as emotional as I too were feeling. But, I pulled up my big girl pants and headed through to departures. Anybody who knows me well, knows that I am not the best flyer, so if you could have witnessed my face as the plane halted to an emergency stop during the take off, I was a wreck. All I wanted was my hubby to tell me everything was going to be ok! Eventually after the longest minute or so, the captain came on the speaker and announced that we had missed our slot and would have been too dangerous to have taken off. It took another 30 minutes before we finally took off and the sweat dripping from my hands meant that they were slipping on the arm rests as we eventually made it in the air.

The 5 hour flight went pretty quick and I was soon in the familiar airport to us of Larnaca, where I met my driver provided by the clinic. I’m pretty sure I slept most of my way through the 1 hour commute to the hotel, the medication, the nerves, the whole thing was slowly creeping up on me and all I wanted was my bed. Once I arrived at the hotel we stayed at only back in March/April this year during our last failed round, it was a lovely sight to see and I was glad I took a room upgrade as I had a double aspect view of the sea and plenty of space I needed to lounge about in my room in the day so I didn't have to sit around the hotel on my own. It was late Friday night by the time I unpacked and got into bed, 1am Cyprus time (11pm back home in the UK). A quick call to the hubby to say goodnight and inform him I was safe and well, I finished the call and hit the pillow, and well and truly slept like a log. I had all day Saturday and Sunday to chill, unfortunately I couldn’t use the swimming pool as I had already started my cyclogest pessaries, but it didn't stop me from sitting around the pool reading my book THE SECRET (the book is a bit repetitive and extreme but it was just the thing I needed to read at this very special and important time, to ask the universe for the one thing I really wanted in life). Saturday 15th was a pretty hard day to face on my own. Pregnancy and baby loss awareness day. We had already lit our candle together for Billy on Thursday night together and shed a few tears. But knowing what the day was and not a lot to distract myself with my body full of hormones that didn't help with the sadness was a tough and hard day. The fact that nobody knew that I was out in Cyprus on my own meant that I just kept my head low and cried my tears in my pillow. Relaxing was not made easy by all the thunder storms Cyprus was going through (anyone who also knows me well, knows i'm not too good with thunder and lightning…..’I’m sounding like a bit of a wimp here aren't I!?!’ In the middle of Sunday Night/Monday Morning I honestly thought the world was ending. It was just so loud. It wasn’t the peaceful nights sleep I needed and wanted, as Monday was booked as my transfer day. 

My taxi arrived and I eagerly jumped into the car to be driven just 10 minutes up the road in the town of Famagusta. The lovely nurse that we have got very fond of greeted me at the reception of the clinic and after a long wait watching lots of partners arrive and be taken off, it was my turn to be shown to my room. I got changed into my super sexy paper gown, mesh hair net and slipper covers and pretty soon was whisked off in a wheelchair and taken to the waiting room outside the transfer procedure room. It was at this moment I could feel a very slight tremble running through my body, I don't know what it was, but it soon eased as I saw the beautiful embryos on the screen. We had chosen to put in 2 again and they had thawed perfectly and begun to hatch out of their shells. We have never had any frozen embryos over all our previous rounds, so this was a new experience. The doctor at the clinic is a little bit of a celebrity in the fertility world and here he was again with his head appearing in between the sheet in the gap of my legs talking me through the procedure again. The embryos were placed in their new home as I couldn't take my eyes off the screen. Please please please let this be the last time I have to go through this I was desperately wishing in my head. Transferred to another bed, I was wheeled back to my room where I lay flat for at least a good half an hour as I watched downloaded episodes of Friends on my phone. A great big hug and a wish for this to be our time, my lovely nurse Nurshan said goodbye as my taxi was arriving. I can’t explain, but everything just felt right, positive, hopeful. I spent the next 4 days literally eating as healthy as I could, rested, and slept. I honestly wish with all my heart that my husband could have been there, but in all honesty, I slept when I wanted, I ate when I wanted and I chilled. It was pretty lovely. 

The 10pm flight home from Cyprus was delayed, not the best thing when you were kicked out of your hotel room from 1pm and know you are now going to land around 3.30am UK time. When I landed I was a blubbering mess. I could stupidly hear the ‘Love Actually’ soundtrack playing in my head as I ran towards my hubby at the arrivals terminal. He laughed as he hugged me and rhetorically asked why I was crying. It was a good commute home to Chester from Manchester Airport at that hour of the morning. My husband was currently on a week's tour around the north but was fortunately at a theatre only 30 minutes away from our house in New Brighton that day, so once we got home the alarm was set for 4 hours time, it’s safe to say we were both cream crackered and I hoped that the long tiring day hadn’t affected my chance of this round working. I helped my husband for the next couple of days he had left of the tour. I couldn’t do much, but it just felt nice to keep myself busy without overdoing it. By the last day of the tour something felt different.

The hubby got up early and travelled to Blackpool for his last day. I had been the proud wife the last couple of nights, wiping the tears of joy and pride as he performed ‘This Is Me’ as he had done a few months ago on Britain's Got Talent. I lay in bed and was reminiscing… I feel different. I naughtily went to the pharmacy to purchase some pregnancy tests. Some first responses and clear blue digitals. I purposely didn't pre buy any this time as testing too early can cause heartbreaking emotions before the official test day. I peed on the first response stick. I placed the test on the side of the sink whilst I sorted myself out and by the time I turned around to look if anything was happening, that first line was clear… I'M PREGNANT!! 

How I didn’t tell my husband that day, I still don’t know how I managed that. He had enough going on, even though there were so many perfect opportunities throughout the day. I kept it in. I got home before him and waited in bed whilst he came home late from Blackpool North Pier and excitedly watched him walk into the bathroom to see the surprise waiting in there for him. It probably wasn't the response I was initially expecting, but then again, it was only 8 days after the transfer, so yes it was early to test. He looked at me, face blank and still, apprehensive, confused, then it sunk in. It’s worked!??? “Yes, I’m pregnant”.

The next few days was a blur of recovering from a very long week and realising everything was finally falling into place for us. I took another test the next day which was stronger and waited a couple more days for the official test day which was my digital tests, there were those words we've dreamed of for too long… PREGNANT. Only 6 days after the initial first test, I started bleeding. Needless to say, there were tears. I contacted my Doctor here in the UK who is connected with the Cyprus clinic and he told me to stop taking my aspirin and to try not to worry. In my state I then contacted my midwife who looked after us with Billy. She told me to get lots of rest and to expect a call from Leighton Hospitals Early Pregnancy Unit. They asked me some questions and tried to assure me that many women bleed throughout pregnancy, but it didn’t help. I wanted to know everything was ok. They got me in for a scan at 6 weeks and there was our little bean, with a heartbeat, absolutely fine. They couldn’t find a cause for the bleeding, but booked me in for fortnightly scans until our 12 week scan due to our past history with Billy which led to his stillbirth. I travelled back to Birmingham for more intralipids at 4 weeks and 8 weeks pregnant. By the 8 weeks mark, bleeding had finally finished and put my mind at rest. However, the morning sickness that didn’t just cause havoc in the morning was now at its peak. Struggling to eat some days, all I could think was ‘I’ve gone through years of fertility treatment to get to this, yet here I am pregnant and sick as a dog, karma is a bitch!!’. 

With every scan we have watched our little bean grow and grow and now they are the most perfect and beautiful little baby. Our doctor here who never gave up on us had the most ginormous smile on his face when we had our scan with him at 7 weeks. “This is where we part ways”, he said, “my work here is done” as he gave us both the biggest hugs and we truly could feel how much it meant to him that he was able to do this for us!! It was extremely emotional and I couldn't possibly be more grateful for his support and love he has shown us over the last 2 years. 

At the 12 weeks scan to say we were nervous is a complete understatement. I know I get fidgety, but so was my husband this time. For this is the scan that first picked up Billy’s complications to come. The NT measurement is the neck thickness which implicates signs of Downs, Edwards, Patau’s and other chromosome mutations. The average should be under 3.5mm. As I could feel my husband squeezing my hand and rubbing it all at the same time as the sonographer measured the NT, there was a huge relief in the air when its largest measurement showed as 1.8mm. I had signed to have my blood tested, so we sat in a waiting room again to speak to a doctor. Looking at our paperwork, I was 11 weeks and 5 days pregnant, but the baby is measuring at 12 weeks and 3 days so my due date is now moved forward to the 30th June. Whilst my blood was taken I was asked of any previous pregnancies and any past chromosome problems, the doctor got out of her chair and left the room whilst the nurse took my blood. When she came back, she looked at her computer, my notes and then went to leave again. Being my normal “what’s wrong” self, I had no problem in asking her “is everything ok?” which she replied, “oh yes absolutely fine, I didn’t mean to worry you, I just need to check how often we need to get you in for scans due to your past stillbirth”. I thought my heart was going to explode seconds before she gave us that good news!

Since finding out this round has worked, we have spent just over a thousand pounds on medication and the intralipids. I'm afraid to say that even though I'm pregnant I still feel that surge of jealousy at everyone who has naturally conceived recently, but I guess the price of keeping this baby going is absolutely priceless, for this baby is the rainbow we have been searching for and I have not given up to get.

We are making an hour's commute to travel to Crewe for our midwife and hospital appointments at Leighton Hospital, but it's worth it, I know I am in complete and utter safe hands and know that they are always there for us. They are going to see me now at 16, 20, 28, 32 and 36 weeks, before this baby will hopefully enter this world safe, healthy and well.

Thanks to so many people for their love, support on this journey with us and even Go Fund Me donations which made this possible after we lost Billy last year… We have the best gift in the world we could ever wish for. We have Hope. We have our miracle. We have a baby. 

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Love Always, Ben, Zoe and Bump xxx