# 9 Here we go again then, Round 2.

As I’m sitting writing this blog it’s Father’s Day. It’s not nice. The day I can no longer celebrate with my dad and the day I can’t celebrate with my husband because I can’t make him a dad. Every emotion is heightened! Hormones are well and truly kicking in! Here it goes again!!...the IVF journey.

Now, It’s nearly the height of the summer season and I have work shifts at what feels like every angle. In an ideal world I would have taken some time off, but I'm keeping on top of medication and work shifts the best I can. So far, so good, it’s doable. However it’s all emotionally and physically draining, so very draining. Some days I don’t know whether to cry or scream. My husband and I had always hoped we wouldn’t need to go through this again, but life isn’t perfect and here we are halfway through this medication process for round 2, our final round. It has to be our last chance, physically, mentally and financially!

I'm not going to lie, it was bigger than I ever knew it could be, IVF. After months and months of studying and searching for tips/facts/advice, I realise now that nothing can prepare you until you’ve gone through it.

Last time our closest friends and the family I have were aware that we were going through it. But... If there is any advice I can give to anyone reading this, it's to only let people know who needs to know. People don’t understand infertility, the traumatic experience of IVF and all that goes along with it. I’ve learnt that with grieving over the years, people only understand what they know and what they have gone through. It's not their fault, but it is extremely painful when they think they know and presume how you should be and how you should feel.

One thing you can take through failed attempts at IVF, is that once you’ve done it, you can almost prepare yourself for what to expect again. I’m taking this as a huge positive this time. I know, I’ve learnt, I’m more prepared!

As before, Norethisterone tablets did the job of emptying my womb. The period pain lasted for nearly 2 weeks again. I was concerned that this time there was not as much clotting as the previous round, it’s just been a heavy bleed. The nurses are not concerned as it’s only been 2/3 months since the last round. So this is normal. My recent first scan showed that everything is looking OK. My follicles are looking similar to previously.

The suprecur injections are still causing the sadness, brain fog and irrational irritability as before but I’m plodding on. My husband has also learnt how to deal with me, they are my thoughts and words, not his, I wonder if he feels the same!? I'm overwhelmed this time with him. He‘s been AMAZING!

The Gonal F injections have only been for a few days. Headaches are back with a vengeance. The tears have also been flowing. My stomach as before is sensitive and sore, but this time round I’ve also bruised like a peach. I gave the clinic a quick call as I had what felt like sea sickness. I'm fine when sitting or still, but feel unwell when moving. This is a known side effect apparently. Hopefully upping this medication from 225 to 275 will allow just a few more eggs to be retrieved! Giving us a slight increase in options.

My hat is off to anyone who has gone through this numerous times. But I’m not giving up. Like I’ve said before, this is just for A FEW WEEKS. It's not forever and it’s not life threatening. I’m prepared for a few weeks of waiting, it’s completely out of my control, I’ve learnt that now.

I'm still not giving up on hope!